


in the nameless dark

by gavorn



Category: Runaways (Comics)
Genre: 4am writes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 13:58:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17809253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gavorn/pseuds/gavorn
Summary: sometimes things just suck.chase and nico have a Talk and it's painful because both of them would rather chew glass than talk about feelings. post vol 4 #17, for whatever that's worth, though it's vague.title from the mountain goats - transcendental youth."sing / in the night / in the nameless dark / father long gone, but we bear his mark / learn some secrets, never tell / stay sick, don't get well"





	in the nameless dark

The air on the balcony outside the hostel is cold - or at least, cold by socal standards, and by extension, Chase's. He's always had a poor tolerance for it. He's still not about to go back inside, though, breeze cutting through his t-shirt and all. He grips the cigarette between his fingers a little tighter, but something stops him from taking another drag. 

The door scrapes behind him. He doesn't turn his head, but the click of heels on stone says everything. 

“You shouldn't smoke,” she tells him immediately. That's the other confirmation he didn't need. It wouldn't be Nico if she didn't find something to tell him to do. He doesn't mind - never has - he likes feeling useful. For now, though, it's not important enough for him to feel guilty about. He brings it to his lips and inhales. 

“I usually don't,” he says, which she knew already. He doesn't make an excuse about being stressed or tired or what-the-fuck-ever. She wouldn't believe it. 

“No,” she says, disapproval radiating. “You don't.”

“Yeah.” There's no road this conversation can take that he wants to go down. She knows that, too. 

There's more quiet. Muffled voices from inside.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” She doesn't sound totally convinced of it herself. Somehow that makes it more reassuring. 

“Yeah.” 

She makes an exasperated sound. Chase would follow her anywhere. He  _ has _ . It doesn't make him want to spill his fucking guts any more than he can avoid. 

Key phrase being ‘than he can avoid.’ Nico is a force of nature when she wants something. He can't deflect her forever. 

“How long?” she says a few moments later. 

“I don't know what you're talking about.” 

She punches him in the shoulder. She's stronger on the reconstructed side now. It hurts like a motherfucker. He hisses a little, trying to avoid giving her the satisfaction, but she sees it anyway. She grins a little out of the corner of his eye. 

“Yes, you do.” Sometimes Chase thinks she's more intimidating when she's not holding the staff. 

“I don't know,” he tells her. It's an answer - an honest one, too, at that. She's perceptive enough to hear it for what it is. “A while.” He couldn't specify if he wanted to. His memory was bad to begin with. Add the fact he spent the last few years trying to forget most of them intentionally and it's worse. But it's not new. Even if he didn't know it before. 

She doesn't say anything. The silence makes him uncomfortable enough to speak, which might've been her goal. “How'd you know?” 

She steps a little closer, leaning on the railing beside him, but she's still not trying to make him look at her, which he's grateful for.

She considers for a moment. “The way you look at him.” It's bait, he knows that. There's a full two minutes before he gives in. 

“And how the fuck is that?”

She isn't thrown by the swearing. Of course not. “A lot like how you used to look at Gert.” Her name is a kick in the ribs. Even now. She's here, but she's not his. He feels like he barely knows her, which only makes him question if he ever did. He wants to think so. 

It isn't much of an answer. It says enough. 

“And the way you look at her now is -” 

“The way you looked at Xavin?” It's a low blow. She doesn't seem phased. He can't think of a time when the same thing wouldn't have gotten his ass kicked. Evidently she's serious about moving on this time. 

“That's not the same and you know it,” she tells him after it's clear he's done talking. Her voice is even. 

He thinks she's going to continue for a moment. She doesn't.

“She's not - “ he pauses to take a drag, half just grateful for an excuse to figure out what he's saying. “She's too young for him.” 

“She was too young for you.” She's not trying to be cruel, but that only makes it sting more. 

“I know.” If he's learned anything at all, it's that two years is everything. Two years ago he was - fuck, was that before or after Murderworld? He can barely keep track. Everything's the same, and everything is awful. One shitty year feels the same as the next one. He'd been hoping maybe that would change when everyone came back. If it's going to, it hasn't yet. 

“Let them be happy.” Another order. He brings the cigarette back up to his mouth and resists the urge to clench his jaw shut tight around it. 

“I will,” he says, and the spite's creeping in now. “I'm not  _ you _ .” 

“Too far.” Her voice is so cold it reminds him of the arena. 

“Sorry.” He's not, and she knows, but that's okay. 

They're quiet again. The conversation is still somehow going better than most of the ones they've had since Bagalia. 

“She deserves this,” she says eventually. She's not wrong. It would be easier if she were. 

“You don't have to talk me out of anything.” Another drag, even though his whole throat feels raw now. “I'm not going to do anything. I'm fucking definitely not going to  _ say _ anything.”

Out of the corner of his eye he spots it. The patented Nico Minoru Pity Stare. He hasn't gotten one of those for years. He figured she ran out of pity for him a long time ago. 

“You could've…” she trails off, like she doesn't know how to finish the sentence any more than he does.

“When?” His jaw tenses. “When I was trying to kill myself getting her back? When you were dating him? When we were in Murderworld?” She's not angry. Just watching him. 

“Bagalia, maybe? Or how about when he was dead? I didn't fucking know, Nico! I didn't know what it was, and by the time I did the world was falling apart again. I couldn't. And I won't.” His voice got louder than he'd meant it to. He glances to the door, but there's no sign anyone had heard. Thankfully.

NICO MINORU PITY STARE has intensified. She waits to be sure he's finished, and when he drops his head down to stare off the balcony, defeated, she speaks.

“Timing's a bitch.”

“It really fucking is.” That's the first thing she's said that he can outright agree with. 

He keeps looking at the ground. 

“Don't ever mention I said this,” she says. “To me, or anyone else. Ever.” 

He nods. Waits.

“She deserves to be happy,” Nico says, and the next half of the sentence is more halting. “But you do, too.” Affection doesn't come easily between them. With Molly, yes. Karolina, yes. Each other? Never. It might've been part of why they fell apart so hard in the arena. Comfort is not something they can give each other. 

She's trying, though, and damn if he doesn't appreciate it. Not that he's going to tell her. 

“Don't get soft on me, Minoru.” 

She laughs, unexpectedly bright in the cool evening. “Never.” 

He stubs the cigarette out on the rail and drops it, but doesn't move to go inside yet. Nico's fingers close around his arm anyway. 

“One more question.” Orders. He'll comply. He always does eventually. 

“Shoot.”

She pauses for just a second too long. He looks at her for the first time, and there's something in her expression he doesn't have a name for. 

“Do you love him?” 

He thinks about it. He thinks about it a little more. Nico's eyes are still carefully trained on his face. 

“Yeah,” he says. She softens - the Pity Stare returns for the briefest moment - and lets go. 

“Karolina made tea,” she says. “It should be done now.” 

“I hate tea.” 

“I know,” she says, nudging him towards the door. “But you'll drink it anyway.”

“Yeah,” Chase says, because he will. 


End file.
